Welcome, welcome welcome, to a new year at Hogwarts! Welcome back to school, there've been some changes made. I've arranged all the books by subject, hey! Done away with the restrictions and the locks and the chains, Dr. Granger's gonna love the new place, OK? This is the place to be, this is the place to be, This is your Hogwarts school library. Come and see, come and read, come exist, it's free. This is your place, this is your space, the Hogwarts library. And check out over here, an educational decree, Except it's beneficial, actually. To weed out any books out dated, you see. Decolonize the stacks while I drink my tea. Gonna clean these shelves out! What's that, a bean? (Alas, Earwax) This is the place to be, this is the place to be, This is your Hogwarts school library. Come and see, come and read, come exist, it's free. This is your place, this is your space, the Hogwarts library. 'Cause every witch and wizard deserves to read Both windows and mirrors so we can see we. And sliding glass doors, now you've got the key What's up, what's up? It's the Hogwarts Library! This is the place to be, this is the place to be, This is your Hogwarts school library. Come and see, come and read, come exist, it's free. This is your place, this is your space, the Hogwarts library. Representation is what it's all about Books by wizards and muggles, we'll figure it out. Queer or not, these books are for you, BIPOC authors and main characters too. (Have you read an Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir? You haven't? Well, you should. You're welcome.) This is the place to be, this is the place to be, This is your Hogwarts school library. Come and see, come and read, come exist, it's free. This is your place, this is your space, the Hogwarts library.

The Toadstool Tales by Beatrix Bloxam My Life as a Muggle by Daisy Hookum A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot Madcap Magic for Wacky Warlocks The Complete Works of Kennilworthy Whisp Dragon Breeding for Pleasure and Profit Magic and Science, Arithmancy Guide to Advanced Occlumency. These are the books up on my shelves, No restrictions at all, please help yourselves. Bring them back in three weeks and be on time, Or you'll incur my wrath in place of fines. Saucy Tricks for Tricky Sorts Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed Jinxes for the Jinxed and related texts Moste Potente Potions and Advanced Potions Making Charm Your Own Cheese and Enchantment in Baking Unfogging the Future by Cassandra Vablatsky Xylomancy by Selina Sapworthy These are the books up on my shelves, No restrictions at all, please help yourselves. Bring them back in three weeks and be on time, Or you'll incur my wrath in place of fines. Famous Fire Eaters and Fifteenth Century Fiends Triwizard Tragedies and Quaint Muggle Machinery Notable Magical Names of Our Time Protection Charm Your Mind Great Wizards of the Twentieth Century Nature's Nobility Night of the Lightning Struck Tower and Prefects Who Gained Power These are the books up on my shelves, No restrictions at all, please help yourselves. Bring them back in three weeks and be on time, Or you'll incur my wrath in place of fines. Try me. These are the books up on my shelves, No restrictions at all, please help yourselves. Bring them back in three weeks and be on time, Or you'll incur my wrath in place of fines.

I know what you're thinking, it's the library! Be quiet upon entering like you ought to be! Keep your voice to a whisper, don't think about a snicker, (shh) Or Mx. Irma Pince here, will whip you in the-- whaaaat? (SHHH) Man, I'm the librarian and what I say goes. You sure you wanna go and stick your nose in? You want this place quiet, heck not it's not worth it. This is the library, and I'm here to work it. This is a place where folx come to gather. You can see yourself right out if you'd rather. There's DND and a weekly book club, A muggle maker space and sub aquatic pond shrubs. Practice your cheering charms, study your hexes, Go tell Dolores, she's starting to vex us. Yeah, I'm the librarian and I don't do shushing. Just no running, no pushing, or shoving. Return your books, yeah, I would prefer it. This is the library and I'm here to work it. You say you want a quiet study place? The old restricted section is your new space. Leave your classmates out here to congregate, Just be respectful while I educate. Try some searching spells! (Boolean!) Find some books about thestrals and granians. Yeah, I'm the librarian and I know my shit. I'm here to teach you, and not fucking babysit. You gotta question? Let's research it! This is the library and I'm here to work it. Yeah, I'm Madam Pince and what I say goes. You sure you wanna go and sick your nose in? You want this place quiet? Heck no, it's not worth it. This is the library and I'm here to work it. This is the library and I'm here to work it. This is the library and I'm here to work it. This is the library and I'm here to work it. This is the library and I'm here to work it.

JK Rowling (rhymes with patrolling) That soulless TERF’s got no worth and got some heads rolling There’s a dearth of fucks left to give I’m combative I’m spillin’ out the pensive So while I’m here, if you could lend an ear I won’t hold back don't need no cajoling, see I’m not your fucking paradigm and it is about fucking time And I’m bout to spit it at it all at yall in rhyme Well Jo in the past, that nasty bitch has harassed And apologized for my despised character, Well surprise, bitch, I’m my own damn narrator now That shit she framed me, blamed me for the whole damn plot. But now she’s caught. don't know squat I don't know what she thought but now I’m breaking free. I can only be me. I’m a master of science I stand in defiance. No longer your disciplinarian I’m a fucking rogue wizard librarian I’m a fucking rogue wizard librarian And while we’re all here on this subject Fuck that boy Dewey and his racist bullshit I quit BISAC is the answer, give it a fuckin chance sir Browsing is the shit dont get your underpants in a twist Or your finna be dismissed. And what’s more I’m done with the creeping--gatekeeping Information is for everyone mother fucker Books should be accessible for all did i stutter I’m a master of science I stand in defiance. No longer your disciplinarian I’m a fucking rogue wizard librarian I’m a fucking rogue wizard librarian I’m going rogue, it's all en vogue. Third years and up have full access, Restricted section my ass. And I don’t give a crap if nobody backs this. I’ve got the education, and the frustration, I’ve got the degrees, and the certification, And if you're full of shit, you can just visit our gender neutral restroom, or for more privacy back in the staff room. and if you Don’t like my rules, head back to your dorm room. This is not the time for your transphobic bullshit. BOOM. This is the fucking library, We will not stay silent anymore. This is our place this is our space. And you can see your own damn self out if you don’t like it. I’m a fucking rogue wizard librarian I’m a fucking rogue wizard librarian I’m a fucking rogue wizard librarian

I went into town to check it all out, To see what the new muggle library's about. What I saw in there could not compare, Muggle books stacked up everywhere! Helpful people at the circ desk, Patrons lined up, quite picturesque. Damn, you should see this place! Close your mouth and fix your face, This is no fantasy, everything here is free! Get thee down to your muggle library! Checked in the OPAC to see what I want, Some dillweed next to me is eating a croissant. I wandered around just browsing the shelves, This place should hire a couple house elves. Spoke with a librarian and they're hella smart, They've got brains and grit and a lot of heart. Damn, you should see this place! Close your mouth and fix your face, This is no fantasy, everything here is free! Get thee down to your muggle library! A recording studio and manga nights, Computers, board games, just some highlights. Drag queen story hour every Tuesday, Black Lives Matter books out on display. Kids hanging out in the teen space, What a great institution, I love this place! Damn, you should see this place! Close your mouth and fix your face, This is no fantasy, everything here is free! Get thee down to your muggle library! They got lots of books and reading nooks, just take a look and you'll be hooked. It's in your 'hood, and just too good, but damn it's true and hell, I'm shook. This place is sick, no politics, it's not a trick, just take your broomstick double quick, don't be a prick, shut up a sec and hit the deck and let me get a mic check! Damn, you should see this place! Close your mouth and fix your face, This is no fantasy, everything here is free! Get thee down to your muggle library! I mean damn, you gotta see this place! Close your mouth and fix your face, This is no fantasy, everything here is free! Get thee down to your muggle library!